Spirited Back
by rerouche of the rebellion
Summary: Chihiro x Haku... Decisions must be made! Environmental issues, domestic issues, and some very sad losses... Love x magic always triumph, though! Maybe...
1. spirited

**Disclaimer:** "Spirited Away" is Studio Ghibli

**Author's Note:** I can't believe this wasn't posted here!

* * *

Society made me sick. I needed to escape. I needed to be a child again.

I ran down my street to the abandoned theme park. The day was perfect and bright; I remembered things. Childhood, ice cream and Pocky's and cool sneakers that would light up when I took a step. My father had forbidden me from ever walking across the great expanse of land between the park entrance and the dirty little run-down village. I couldn't seem to remember why, but I never disobeyed him.

It was time. I was nineteen now.

As I walked across that ocean of grass I felt a chill run through me, a sense of familiarity. Every step felt as though I were walking into a great mystery. When I reached the faded village and stepped onto the path I felt a gust of wind which I normally would have thought nothing of, except it smelled like cooking.

"Hello?" I called down the street.

I felt very stupid. This place was obviously abandoned. My presence seemed odd and intrusive. I thought: why did I even come here? I turned to run back across the field when I heard footsteps around the bend.

"I really am starting again to work too hard," muttered a female voice, flippantly. "If I didn't know better I'd say I was hearing Sen. As if she'd been hearing Haku calling her name all these nights."

A young woman appeared before me, with long dark hair, wearing an apron, and gasped.

"I-I was right!" she exclaimed, placing one hand over her mouth and extending the other towards me, finger pointed. "Sen!"

Intuition demanded I run away. I turned on my heel but was forced to stop short. The acre of land had turned to water. Shock and terror seized me, my throat fell into my stomach and I turned desperately back to the woman.

"You have to come to the bath-house!" she cried, and grabbed my arm. "Now!"

I couldn't scream. Why couldn't I scream? I had to be dreaming. Before I could think when and how I'd fallen asleep, I was spirited away, through the abandoned village streets and to a bridge before a great old-fashioned bath-house. Then I could distinctly feel the woman's grip, could feel the stitch in my side from running and the ragged breath through my lungs.

"This isn't a dream!" I cried aloud. Now, I truly began to panic.

"Sorry, sweetie." The woman gazed up at the bath-house glittering in the sun. "We don't have time to reminisce, so you're going to have to trust me. You've been here before. Years ago, and you left quite an impression. But, someone needs your help and you must have heard him because here you are."

Though frightened out of my mind, something stirred within my heart. It assured me that I'd be all right, despite the impossible situation. I let the woman drag me across the bridge.

"I'm Lin, by the way," she said. "Nice to see you again, Sen. Or, Chihiro, because I guess that's your true name, isn't it?"

"This is so bizarre," I whispered.

We entered the bath-house and I saw a great, albeit empty, reception hall.

"Just you wait," said Lin.

"What do you mean?" My trembling voice echoed through the hall.

I saw a giant frog dressed in a bathrobe approach, on hind legs. My skin crawled! I suppressed a gasp.

"Remember Chihiro?" said Lin to it. "She's come to see Haku."

The frog looked at me.

"Is that right?"

I nodded, dazed. He took one of many tokens hanging on the wall behind a desk and handed it to Lin.

"In case you need to take any shortcuts," he said, "so no one will give you a hard time."

"Wish you were as quick to give me these on a normal basis," Lin muttered to it, then took my hand and led me into a labyrinth of straw walls, behind which I could see great bathtubs.

"What is this place?" I asked.

"This is a bath-house for spirits," said Lin. "That frog you just saw is the assistant manager of this place, the manager is Yubaba. It's so weird having to repeat all of this to you, jeez. It seems only yesterday you were here, working. You sure you don't remember anything? Does nothing look familiar?"

"Something's keeping me from running away screaming," I confessed dazedly. "Who's Haku?"

Lin had brought me to an elevator. She pushed the number 12 and sighed. The elevator door opened and we stepped inside.

"Haku was a river-god before he made some bad choices and ended up here as Yubaba's henchman. He couldn't escape for two reasons: one, he didn't know his true name, having forgotten it after his river was drained; and two, Yubaba had placed a curse on him that you actually released when you were here. You also remembered his name for him. You really freed him. But, you left, having to go back to the human world. Haku left too, in order to find another river to guard. But, he came back because going from river to river still hasn't found him a place and he fears he'll die. Yubaba knows powerful magic and has been trying to help Haku, but to no avail. He's weak."

Lin adopted a sympathetic expression, and it looked odd on a face molded to be perpetually cynical.

"All we know is he calls your name. Chihiro. I had actually forgotten that was your true name, since we always called you Sen."

I buried my face in my hands. This seemed so familiar yet I could summon no recollection.

"How long ago was I here?" I asked.

"About eight or nine years ago," Lin said.

The elevator opened to a large, beautiful foyer. Lin took my arm again and led me to a pair of double-doors on the right.

"What am I supposed to do?" I whispered.

"I don't know. You knew what to do before."

Then, suddenly, a whirlwind of energy overcame me and pulled me forward through the doors and down countless halls. Now, I screamed. I scrunched my eyes and keened despairingly as I flew.

I fell through another pair of double-doors and into a dark, lavish office. The force released me and I fell forward onto my hands and knees.

"Seeeeeen," croaked an elderly female voice. "Or shall I say, Chihiro. So good to see you again."

I rose, achingly, and saw an ancient woman with an unusually large head, too much makeup and talon-like fingernails.

"What do you want with me?" I gasped.

The woman laughed, exposing her full denture.

"You seemed to find your way back here, dear," she crooned. "No one forced you."

I looked around in despair. Where was I? What was I expected to do for a river-god?

"Haku has been calling for you," she continued. "You must have heard him."

"I don't know or remember anything about Haku," I said. "I don't know what you think I can do."

"Well, come and look at him."

She walked to a curtain on one wall and held it open for me. Warily, I looked beyond. The room was dark, but I could see littered everywhere toys of all shapes and sizes. From the ceiling shone glittering stars. Against one wall of this peculiar room was a large bed with overhanging curtains. Just then I felt a tug on my sock. I looked down and almost screamed again: a small pink mouse, rather plump, was trying to grab my attention. Next to it stood a tiny black bird.

"This is so familiar," I muttered as once again I buried my face in my hands.

"Soon enough, you'll remember," the woman said. "Haku will make you remember."

I looked at her.

"I am Yubaba, by the way," she said, eyes seeming to light on fire. "All fond memories of me will return in due time. Now, if I must insist, go and help Haku. From what I remember, you were very fond of each other, and he certainly seems to want you now. Go on."

Sensing something deeper than I could consciously decipher, trusting my instinct, I walked toward the bed. I could see, by the shadow, Yubaba closing the curtain.

I turned to her and begged, "Don't leave me alone!"

"Trust me," she said in a low voice, "Haku is dangerous and capable of great destruction, but he would never harm a hair on your pretty little head."

She closed the curtain.

* * *

**to be continued...**


	2. remembering haku

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters

**Author Note:** Is this cheesey? Yaassss it is.

* * *

I approached the bed, squinting in the dark. I extended my hand until I felt curtains.

"Haku?" I whispered.

"Chihiro," breathed a relieved voice from within.

I waited.

"W-what do you want?" I asked after a moment.

"Chihiro, you don't remember me," it said. "When you left this place years ago, I told you not to look back. I couldn't keep you here. But, you're older, and I need you."

"Why?"

I could hear hitching breath, and a struggle to speak:

"I'm weak without having anything to guard. My river's gone, devastated by humanity. Its name- my true name- only you remember, from when you saved me from Yubaba."

I waited.

The voice continued, "Say my name again, Chihiro."

Unable to hold curiosity back any longer, and my sight now accustomed to the dark, I opened the curtains and peered within. There lay on the bed a handsome young man. It was difficult to see in the blacker darkness, but he looked younger than me, maybe fourteen years old. His large eyes gazed at me, and while they held potential to smolder they were tired and worn.

Seeing him strummed something strange within me.

When I spoke, my voice trembled: "But, I don't know your name. I thought it was Haku."

"Haku must only part of it," he said. "Please! Can you remember my true name?"

"Look," I choked, despair boiling over, "I'm sorry this is happening to you, but I have no idea where I am or who you are or how any of this is happening! How can I remember your true name if I couldn't remember 'Haku'? How could I've experienced something like this and remembered nothing?"

"It's because you're human. Humans can't-" he shivered involuntarily and sighed. "Humans can't retain memories of the spirit world while they're in the human world."

"Why can't I remember while I'm here?"

He shifted and spoke:

"Because you're carrying the human world in your heart, and it's keeping your memory shut." His voice softened. "You've lived too long in the human world, and have lost your sense of wonder. When you were a child, you opened your heart without question. You embraced this world and everyone in it. You must be like that again, and then your memories of this place will return and remain with you while you're here. Open your heart."

"How?" I cried and buried my face in my hands. Then I remembered something.

"Things happened." My heart raced. "Things happened in my childhood that I can't explain now. There was- a purple hair-tie that I can't remember ever finding but that just appeared in my hair the day I moved here. And... and a time I almost drowned but ended up safe on shore. The two things connect, don't they? ...Probably because I could never figure either of them out. The lake or river incident was when I was very young-" My eyes opened wide and I turned to Haku.

"A river," I breathed. "You're a river-god. The one who saved me."

Haku closed his eyes.

In my mind, I stood on a great precipice. I knew no other alternative than to jump.

"Then, you're the Kohaku River."

Memories flooded my mind like pouring waterfalls: colorful, poignant and real. I allowed myself the fill, breathing deeply.

Tears sprung to my eyes and I buried my face in my hands.

I was back.

"Haku!" I cried, the yearning raw in my throat.

I looked up at my old spirit-friend. Haku lay as though unconscious, eyes shut, unmoving.

"Say it again," he breathed.

"Kohaku. Kohaku River. Oh, Haku, I came back!"

I strode toward him. Weakly, he lifted his arms. Climbing into his bed I embraced him, smelled him. I held him close, he who'd rescued me from the perils of this world. The white dragon.

"Thank you," he whispered.

I pulled back to see him clearly; his green eyes were sparkling again. He brought together his thumb and forefinger and blew on the point where they met. His breath turned to fragmented light, which illuminated both our faces.

"How've I survived so long without you?" He ran a palm across my tear-stained cheek. "I've suffered every day you've been gone."

"Why didn't you let me remember you?"

I let him stroke my fingers. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to mine. The closeness made me ache for something deeper, some unnameable bliss only he could grant. He was the realest thing ever.

"No human can withstand memories of the spirit world while in the human one," he explained. "They'd think of nothing else but returning. You were a child. I knew you loved me, and I would have kept you here, but I also knew you loved your parents, naturally, and relied on them. You needed to grow up in the human world, become independent, then choose to return."

"It was just a feeling I had," I confessed. "A need to escape reality."

"I've called you several times before." He tightened his grip on my hand. "But, you must've been ready today."

"You're right: I would have thought every day about coming back." I sighed. "So many memories have come back! You, and No Face, Yubaba, and Lin. You saved my parents and me! There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. I'm sorry I didn't remember you right away."

"I know why you didn't," he said. "The human world's often cruel, closing shut people's hearts. Even stepping back into the spirit world doesn't bring back the memories. But you remembered, from your experiences in the human world, the mysteries of your purple hair-tie and river-rescue. These're deep, inexplicable things you held to; they were the keys to your memories of this place. You were always beautiful, Chihiro, and instinctively knew what was important. You haven't changed."

I kissed his cheek. "What can I do to help you?"

He sighed and held me closer. Some time passed before he spoke.

"I want to be close to you, always."

I swallowed, nervous that Kohaku would ask something so tremendous of me. "Do you mean you want me to stay here with you?"

"No," he said gently. "I'd never ask you to leave your home and your family. I want to be human with you, and live in your world."

My breath caught; something in me had expected this, yet it still seemed so unreal.

I looked into his eyes and saw love and determination and a little bit of fear. I sighed, knowing I couldn't live my life without him anyway and allowing the intensity of the situation wash over me. He would live with me. We would be together.

"Will you take me with you?" Kohaku whispered.

"Of course!" I replied. "But, why do you want to leave the spirit world?"

"As I said, I've nothing more to guard, and also, I want to be human. Because I don't possess a human body I don't feel lots of things. I don't feel the emotions you do for being human. My kind doesn't procreate, so I don't feel that pull for mating."

I blushed. He saw and smiled. "You can guess that I'd rather feel it than not."

"But, Kohaku," I said, "you are a beautiful god: forever young and healthy and possessing unbelievable powers. Your dragon form's magnificent. You'd really give that up... for humanity?

"The only two times being a god meant anything were when I had my river and when you freed me from Yubaba's spell," he said. "My river's gone and now you have come back to me. You've shown me my path."

"I'll help you," I said, "but I wish you'd reconsider. I'd be happy staying here in the spirit world with you. I love it! There was a reason for me coming here today, besides hearing you in my heart: I wanted to get away. Things in my world are soiled and corrupt, I can't take it anymore. Isn't that why Yubaba's bath-house exists? For spirits and gods to cleanse themselves of pollution and negativity. I'd be willing to stay here with you, and do what it takes to become a spirit."

Kohaku sighed. "It's not like that, dear heart. You can't be a spirit if you were born a human."

Something about that made me feel very separate from him.

"Well... what about when I die?"

Kohaku shook his head. "I can't say what happens to humans when they die, but they don't become gods or spirits."

"But, then..." It was beginning to dawn on me. "If you become a human, won't you be able to return to godhood when you die?"

Kohaku gazed silently into my eyes for a moment, penetratingly. I sighed, realizing he was considering giving up his immortality.

"Everything in my life points toward me becoming human," he said. "Believe me. Don't give up on the human world, Chihiro. You came from there, didn't you? And I love you." His gaze drifted off. "Both the spirit world and the human one have their beauties and their problems. But, if you would help me, I'd like to teach humans about nature, in hopes that they don't drain other rivers like they did mine. Together, we can make the world a better place."

Exhausted, unable to argue, I nodded. Kohaku cradled me in his arms.

"Sleep," he murmured in my ear.

Safe, more safe than I'd felt in ten years, I drifted off. I dreamed of flying with Kohaku, above the clouds and through the stars. His dragon form felt so warm and powerful beneath me. I clung to it and wept into the mane.

"It's my choice to give this up," said his voice. "I know what's best for me. I'd rather you feel joy than sadness. It's consolation."

Kohaku's dragon form slithered across the sky.

"Promise me?" I whispered.

Kohaku soared up towards the glowing moon. "I promise!"

I awoke some time later to his gentle green eyes gazing at me.

"Were you talking to me in my dreams?"

"Your dreams are your own," he replied.

I rubbed my eyes and decided, instead of lingering on any argument, to take a better look around me.

"This is Boh's room!" I said excitedly.

Kohaku "mhm'ed" and continued, "Though he prefers sleeping outdoors now, as a mouse."

I grinned. "I sure would love to see everyone again. Do you think we can before… before we go back to the human world?"

"We have time," he said, smiling, knowing I'd found peace with his resolution to become human. "Remember that time in the spirit world is quicker than in the human one. You can spend days here and have only ten minutes pass in the human world."

"Take all the time you wish to say goodbye, my dragon," I urged.

Kohaku kissed the inside of my wrist. "Let's leave tomorrow morning."

Emerging from the baby's room found us face-to-face with Yubaba.

"Do you remember?" she asked.

I bowed, smiling. "Yes, ma'am."

Yubaba cackled.

"And Haku seems to have completely recovered," she observed. "It's good to see you again, Chihiro."

"You as well, Yubaba-sama" I replied. "I hope business is well."

"Don't hope, my dear." Yubaba gave me a hard look. "The more business we get, the more the world's polluted."

I nodded.

"Now, tell me: are you staying here or is Haku going to live with you?"

Kohaku and I look at each other in astonishment.

"Don't act so surprised, either of you!" exclaimed Yubaba. "I had a feeling it would come down to you being together."

"Yubaba," said Kohaku, expression serious, "thank you for everything you've done for me, but I'm going to live in the human world, out of Chihiro's generosity."

Yubaba didn't look surprised.

"Better for you, really," she muttered, more to herself, looking him up and down. "I'm sure you're aware of the consequences of living in the human world, how you can never be a god again."

Unflinching, Kohaku nodded.

The pink mouse and black bird climbed up onto Yubaba's shoulders and peered expectantly at me.

"Hello, guys!" I said. They waved.

"And what about you, dearie?" asked me Yubaba. "What are you going to do with our Haku in the human world?"

I sighed.

"Well, I'm thinking that for the first few weeks, I'm going to have to hide Kohaku-san. Then, if he likes," I turned to him, "in the summer, he can stay in my house in the country! Right in the wild, where he'd be happy. Kohaku says he wants to teach about nature." I spoke directly to him, "You may be too young-looking to pass for a professor, Kohaku-san, but with all your knowledge and your brilliance you'll make an excellent assistant before you grow older, and be a tremendous contribution to any environmental efforts."

Kohaku merely gazed. "Could we live together in the country?"

I reddened at the idea of spending the rest of my life with Haku.

"I-I'm sure we could work that out," I stuttered, blushing more and smiling in spite of myself.

Yubaba let out a huge cackle.

"How sweet!" she mocked. "Heh. Well, I don't want to delay the excitement. Off you go!"

"Kohaku has to say goodbye to this world first!" I exclaimed. I gushed, rejuvenated: "And, oh, Yubaba, now that my memories've returned, I want to talk to Lin and visit Kamaji and even pay Zeniba a visit - perhaps No Face is still living there!"

"Oh, all right," said Yubaba, grimacing. "I'm sure they'll be thrilled."

"Wonderful." I squeezed Kohaku's hand and turned to him. "Let's make the best of our last night in the spirit world!"

"Enough for us to always remember," he said and kissed my cheek.

* * *

**to be continued**...


End file.
